The Friend Who Walks With You

“Friendship, like the wilderness journey, is not always smooth or easy”

As Sefer Bamidbar concludes with Parashiyot Mattot and Massei, the narrative shifts from dramatic desert episodes to a more reflective, logistical focus: vows and promises, war and land division, and a detailed review of the Israelites’ journey. At first glance, it may seem that these parashiyot are just about boundaries, movement, and administration, however, beneath the surface lies a thoughtful message about life’s journey, the value of true friendship and solidarity.

Parashat Mattot opens with the laws of nedarim (vows). The Torah emphasizes the seriousness of one’s word: “If a man makes a vow…he must not break his word; he must do all that he expressed verbally” (Bamidbar 30:3).

True friendship begins with integrity—with keeping your word. A friend who commits and follows through is a source of strength. The Torah teaches us that words matter. A friend who makes promises lightly and doesn’t follow through causes pain and instability. By contrast, real friendship is rooted in reliability. Karen A. Roberto, director of the center for gerontology at Virginia Tech says: “People with stronger friendship networks feel like there is someone they can turn to.” This is especially relevant in times of transition or uncertainty, like the Israelites faced on the threshold of the Promised Land. Promises are anchors of trust. When we make a vow to support one another—emotionally, physically, or spiritually—it creates a sacred bond.

Another aspect of friendship is loyalty. In Parashat Mattot, we read about the tribes of Reuven and Gad requesting to settle east of the Jordan, outside the main boundary of the Promised Land. At first, Moshe is angered — he worries that they are shirking responsibility and breaking the unity of the people. But when these tribes commit to helping their brethren conquer the land before returning to their own homes, Moshe agrees. Here we learn that friendship doesn’t require uniformity — it requires loyalty. Friendship means not checking out when others are struggling. The tribes of Reuven and Gad didn’t walk away from the collective mission, even though their lives would eventually diverge. Real friends may take different paths, live in different places, or hold different views — but they remain committed to one another’s success and well-being.

Parashat Massei recounts the forty-two encampments of the Israelites. What’s striking is that the Torah doesn’t merely state that the Israelites arrived at the Promised Land — it preserves every step of the journey. Why? Because meaning is not found only in the destination, but in the people who walk with you and the experiences you share along the way.

Friendship, like the wilderness journey, is not always smooth or easy. There are times of challenge, miscommunication, and growth. Just as the people of Israel had to move forward together despite setbacks, friends grow by showing up consistently for each other through life’s many "encampments" — its ups and downs, its stops and starts.

Each journey has its own flavor—some were sites of struggle, others of miracles. Similarly, our friendships are tested and strengthened through life's many "stops": joy, grief, change, uncertainty. When someone walks with us through all these stages, we realize the depth of that companionship.

In a time when connection can be fleeting and virtual, Mattot-Massei reminds us that true friendship is grounded in:

Promises we keep (not just intentions we express),

Support we offer even when it’s inconvenient,

Presence through the long, imperfect journey of life.

As we conclude the Book of Bamidbar and look ahead to the future, we are reminded to take stock not only of our destination, but of our relationships. Who are the people you’ve stood by? Who has stood by you?  Who are the friends who join you not just when things are easy, but when the road is uncertain? How can I be a better, more faithful friend, someone whose loyalty doesn’t waver and whose presence is a source of strength?

Mattot and Massei teach that friendship is not about always agreeing or always walking the same path. It’s about staying connected, showing up for one another, and remembering that the journey — with all its twists and turns — is sacred because of the people who share it with us.

May we be blessed with companions who strengthen us, challenge us, and remain with us across every encampment of life.