Change the Attitude, Change the Outcome

“we cannot always control circumstances, but we can control the spirit with which we meet them”

Parashat Vayigash opens with one of the most emotionally charged moments in the Torah: “Vayigash eilav Yehudah”, “And Judah approached him” (Bereishit 44:18). Yehudah steps forward to face the Egyptian ruler, unaware that he is standing before Yosef, the brother he once helped sell into slavery. Yehudah does not approach Yosef with weapons, threats, or arrogance. It is not power, position, or strategy that defines this moment, it is attitude. He approaches with a changed attitude.

Earlier in the story, the brothers spoke harshly, deflected blame, and distanced themselves from responsibility. Now Yehudah steps forward with humility, courage, and accountability. Attitude, more than circumstances, often determines outcomes. Yehudah’s attitude has radically changed since the earlier chapters of the story. Once impulsive and self-protective, he now approaches Yosef with responsibility, and moral courage. He does not argue facts or demand justice. Instead, he speaks from the heart, taking full responsibility for Binyamin and even offering himself as a slave in his brother’s place. This shift in attitude is what unlocks redemption for the entire family.

Yehudah could have argued legal points, justified past behavior, or minimized Binyamin’s importance. Instead, he reframes the entire encounter around empathy and responsibility. He speaks about his father’s pain, his brother’s vulnerability, and his own willingness to sacrifice himself: “For your servant became a guarantor for the lad.” This is a profound shift. Yehudah no longer asks, “How do I protect myself?” but “How do I protect others?” That shift in attitude transforms him into a leader, and unlocks Yosef’s tears.

Yosef, too, demonstrates the power of attitude. He has every reason to be bitter. Betrayed by his brothers, sold, and  imprisoned unjustly, yet Yosef consistently maintains an attitude of faith and purpose. When he finally reveals himself, he does not say, “You ruined my life,” but rather, “It was not you who sent me here, but G-d” (Bereishit 45:8). Yosef reframes his suffering through an attitude of divine perspective, allowing forgiveness to replace resentment. This is not denial of pain; it is mastery over it. Yosef’s attitude allows him to reinterpret suffering as purpose. Because of that, he chooses reconciliation over revenge.

Vayigash teaches us that attitude determines whether pain becomes poison or purpose. Two people can experience the same hardship; one grows hardened, the other grows wiser. Yehudah’s changed attitude repairs past mistakes. Yosef’s elevated attitude transforms past wounds into a mission.

This message is deeply relevant to our own lives. We cannot always control circumstances, but we can control the spirit with which we meet them. Do we approach conflict defensively, or with responsibility? Do we view setbacks as personal attacks, or as part of a larger story we do not yet fully see?

In Jewish thought, teshuvah (return), begins internally. Yehudah does not say “I’m sorry” explicitly, yet his attitude proves his repentance more powerfully than words ever could. Real change is visible in how we respond when tested again.

In Parashat Vayigash, we see that redemption does not begin with changing others, it begins with changing ourselves. When our attitude shifts from ego to empathy, from fear to faith, we create space for healing, reconciliation, and ultimately, blessing. Yehudah teaches us to step forward with courage and responsibility, and from Yosef, we learn to interpret our lives with trust and generosity of spirit. 

Additionally, Vayigash demonstrates that redemption begins not with changed facts, but with changed perspective. The famine is still there. The past cannot be erased. Yet once attitudes shift, from fear to responsibility, from blame to compassion, healing becomes possible.

In our own lives, conflicts often persist not because the situation cannot change, but because our attitude toward it has not. When we “approach” others like Yehudah, with humility, empathy, and ownership, we create space for truth to emerge. When we respond like Yosef, with faith and generosity of spirit, we allow relationships to be restored.

Leadership, family, and personal growth all begin with this inner work. Vayigash reminds us that the most powerful step forward is often not physical, but emotional: the courage to approach with the right attitude. May we learn to step forward with responsibility, speak with compassion, and see our challenges through the lens of purpose.