The Strength of Forgiveness

“…become more creative with solutions to challenges…”

Ki Thisa, the parashah for this week begins with a census of B'nei Yisrael. This census included males twenty years and older. Each male gave a half shekel; rich or poor, each was required to give a half shekel. These half shekels were counted, collected, and used for the Mishkan.

There are two ideas the Torah is making us aware of: one is, we are all equal, poor, and rich. All gave the same, no matter their current station in life. The second idea is that we need each other. Each gave only a half shekel, meaning you need others for a full shekel. This tax was used to maintain the Mishkan, where the Shechinah Presence could be experienced on a communal level.

Further in the parashah, we read about forgiveness. The Children of Israel have committed the sin of worshiping a golden calf. HaShem is very angry with the people. The people repent, Moshe prays for HaShem to forgive the Children of Israel and HaShem agrees to forgive the people.

What can we learn from this tragic event? One of the lessons is about forgiveness. We have all hurt someone or have been hurt by someone. Forgiveness is the release of anger or resentment. This is not so easy to accomplish.

Dr.Tyler VanderWeek says "there are two sides to forgiveness: decisional and emotional. Decisional forgiveness involves a conscious choice to replace ill will with goodwill. For example, you no longer wish bad things to happen to that individual. For emotional forgiveness, you move away from those negative feelings and no longer dwell on the wrongdoing. Forgiveness, however, doesn't always mean reconciliation.

When you release resentment or anger by forgiving, you may actually be helping yourself. Your body can immediately benefit when you lower your cortisol by letting go of anger and resentment. You may become more creative with solutions to challenges and problems.

Life may hit us hard at times; forgiveness can help heal deep wounds. Forgiveness can help lift your mood and increase optimism. Just by working on forgiveness, you can enhance your self-esteem providing you with a sense of inner strength and safety.

From this inner strength, you are able to forgive another person because of the kindness in your heart. Forgiveness can help improve relationships. You are able to extend mercy and goodness to those who have harmed you, even if they don't "deserve" it.

Even small acts of forgiveness, such as refraining from honking your horn when someone cuts you off in traffic or holding your tongue when someone snaps at you and extending kindness instead of retaliating can be beneficial. Remember to also forgive yourself. We tend to be harder on ourselves than we are on others. Sometimes we struggle to love ourselves.

By empathizing and recognizing that we all carry wounds in our hearts, perhaps this can help open the door to forgiveness.