The Friend We Choose to Be

“Real friendships don’t happen by accident”

One of the ideas that stood out to me from Resolved: 13 Resolutions for Life is that friendship is both an art and a science. The art of friendship is the heart behind the relationship, care, compassion, empathy, and being present for another person. The science of friendship is the discipline, the daily choices, consistency, trust, honesty, and commitment that allow a friendship to grow over time. Real friendships don't happen by accident. They are built intentionally. I think this idea is woven throughout Parashat Va'etchanan.

The parashah begins with Moshe pleading to enter Eretz Yisrael. Although HaShem tells him that he will not enter, Moshe does not become consumed by his own disappointment. Instead, he continues teaching, encouraging, and preparing Bnei Yisrael for the future. That is what genuine friendship looks like. It chooses the good of someone else even when things don't go the way we hoped.

Then we come to the Shema: "You shall love HaShem your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your might." Love is not presented as a feeling alone. The Torah immediately follows with action: keep these words on your heart, teach them to your children, speak about them throughout your day, and make them part of your life. In other words, love is expressed through consistency. It is something we practice every day.

That reminds me of the science of friendship. Strong relationships are built through repeated acts of faithfulness. Trust is earned over time. The Torah is teaching us that our relationship with HaShem is nurtured the same way healthy friendships are nurtured, with daily investment, not occasional inspiration.

At the same time, the Shema also reflects the art of friendship. HaShem is not asking for robotic obedience. He asks for our heart. Friendship without love becomes routine, but love without commitment eventually fades. The Torah brings the two together. We are called to love HaShem deeply while expressing that love through consistent action.

The repetition of the Aseret HaDibrot reinforces this lesson. The commandments teach us how to build relationships based on trust, respect, honesty, and loyalty. These are not only the foundations of our covenant with HaShem; they are also the foundations of every meaningful friendship.

Friendship is one of the clearest human reflections of our covenant with HaShem. Va'etchanan teaches that love requires commitment, remembrance, trust, and selflessness. The stronger our friendship with HaShem becomes, the more capable we become of being true friends to other people. The mitzvah to "love HaShem" is not isolated from loving others, it transforms the way we build every relationship.

Va'etchanan reminds me that the strongest friendships, whether with HaShem or with other people, are both an art and a science. They require genuine love and intentional discipline. They flourish when our hearts are fully invested and when our actions consistently reflect that love. Friendship is not measured by what we say in a single moment, but by how faithfully we choose one another every day.