Communicating with Love

"Both partners must be willing to listen to each other"

In this week’s parashah, Naso, which will be read here in Israel, we read about the laws of the sotah, a woman suspected of adultery. While the details of this law may seem archaic and irrelevant in today’s society, could there be lessons to be learned from it, specifically, about the importance of communication in a marriage?

The sotah law requires that if a husband suspects his wife of being unfaithful to him, he was to bring his wife and present his case before the kohen. In addition to presenting his case, the husband was to bring a korban (offering) on behalf of his wife. Despite his suspicions, his korban shows that he still loves her and cares for her. The kohen would administer a special ritual to determine the woman’s guilt or innocence.

This requirement teaches us the importance of communication in a marriage. The husband is not allowed to simply accuse his wife of adultery and leave it at that. He must bring her to the kohen and express his concerns in a way that shows that he still values their relationship and wants to work through their issues together.

In today’s society, communication is often cited as one of the most important factors in a successful marriage. However, it is not always easy to communicate effectively, especially when emotions are running high. The sotah law reminds us that even in difficult situations, it is important to approach our partners with love and respect.

As part of the ritual, the sotah drank a mixture of bitter water that included the accusations. After the writing had dissolved in the water, she drank the water. The act of dissolving the accusations in water symbolizes the importance of letting go of past grievances and moving forward.

In a marriage, it may be easy to hold onto grudges and past hurts. However, this can lead to resentment and a breakdown in communication. Perhaps the korban that the husband brings on behalf of his wife helps guard against this from happening. Initially, the korban is referred to as a grain offering of jealousy, a grain offering of remembrance, of remembering a wrong. Bemidbar 5:15, Later, in verse 18, the korban is referred to as a grain offering of remembrance, the grain offering of jealousy; finally, in verse 25 it is only referred to as the grain offering of jealousy. It is interesting to note how remembrance is gradually removed from the situation. It can indeed help bring the couple closer to each other.

Another important aspect of communication in a marriage is listening. Both partners must be willing to listen to each other and work together to resolve their issues. Too often, communication in a marriage becomes one-sided, with one partner dominating the conversation or refusing to listen to the other’s perspective. A lesson that we can learn from this ritual is the importance of active listening and seeking to understand our partner’s point of view.

Finally, another lesson that we can take away from this ritual, is that there may be times when a couple needs to seek outside help. In this case, the kohen acts as a mediator between the husband and wife, helping them to work through their issues and come to a resolution.

There may be times in a marriage when communication breaks down and it becomes difficult for the couple to work through issues on their own. During these times, seeking outside help, whether from a therapist or counselor may help the couple resolve their issues, bring them closer, and strengthen their marriage. These are some of the lessons, from this ancient ritual, that we are able to learn and apply today.